so my angsty farm poem (god how many of those have I written) Unseasonal
got a Daily Deviation! Thank you so much for the honour, and a lot of love to TheMaidenInBlack
for featuring it.
I know I haven't been here much and tbh I don't know if that is going to change in the near future? I still come on here to check my inbox so if you're writing new stuff I'm probably reading it but I don't have a heap of time on my hands to do the group thing or the writing thing or the leaving comments thing.
My life is full full full bursting at the seams. Which is not to say that I am 100% happy, because I'm not. Mental illness will never go away, and physical illness will never go away, and bad memories will never go away. But I'm throwing myself into study and friends and...I don't want to say self improvement because that brings up images of yoga and exercise and critical self reflection, none of which I'm really doing. But I am trying very hard every day and there are multitudes of beautiful moments constantly to reassure me that I'm doing it for a purpose. Even if there weren't beautiful moments I'd keep trying, though, because I'm so stubborn.
Here I feel new. I think about the town I grew up in and the people I knew in high school and it's this sudden sad jolt to remember I used to be that person amongst those people. Some I miss, some I don't, but all of them I feel like I knew them a million years ago and we wouldn't recognise one another now. Last semester I was trapped in nostalgia a lot and it was horrible. I am not making that mistake ever again. I live here now by the river and the university and I am such a different person. When I'm old I'll think about 2013.
I love what I'm studying. I'm going to be brave this year and try and network and get in touch with some important folks and get some volunteering work happening. I want to get some field work, go on some digs up north and find old stuff buried in the earth or drawn on the rocks. (I want to grab my Archaeology lecturer by the tie in some kind of way but that's so irrelevant.) It kind of took me a while to realise that you have to actually put effort into having a career. I spend so much time absorbing. Reading and listening and studying and learning. And I'm not putting much back out. I haven't written properly in ages, haven't attempted new things in a while.
Long story short: life keeps testing me but I'm doing okay, consistently; I'm probably not going to be uploading on the regular but if you're really keen then you should check sovteck.wordpress.com because I put a lot more stuff there than I do here; thanks for the DD; you're all beautiful; bye;