i do dwell in coastlines – between the salt water and the sea strands i watch the arches of my feet be kissed by creeping little creatures and the demure sucking of the ocean’s lacy skirts, twitching restless and happy in the light
i have never liked the open sea once the sun goes down – at night it is a galaxy swelling and mute like a storm, lumbering leviathan made of ink and coal, made molecule for molecule of the kind of fear that starts in the marrow-spaces of your bones; a dreadful suck of negative space, of empty empty empty
we all know in space no one can hear you scream and the scary part is how so much of me want to plunge through its hidden stars choke on brine, have it strip my lungs raw and wet, cough out jet-pearl bubbles that shriek their way upwards through oil-slick black and just
sink and sink and sink and sink and sink
so i turn my head away and look to the soil, where the coastal grasses whisper in the wind
So my sister Sarah recently released a book about her adventures as a fisherwoman on the south-western Western Aust coastline, working as a deckie - got me thinking about my own perspective on the ocean
Girl, what???? This is so excellent. Every stanza like quicksand, goddamn.
and the demure sucking of the ocean’s lacy skirts
^^^^For instance, that happened. And it was all etiquette and powerful and effortless--I mean to say the imagery is superb, but also the character being bestowed to the ocean. This allows for a relationship, neither of you a voyeur in each other's world, and that played out wellll.
And then there was talk of lumbering leviathans and I was done, I tell you, DONE. And then I like how you turned sea into sky and wanted to fall through both. All the outside forces, so pushy and tempting to surrender to, and your awareness of not only the looming fusion of external forces in comparison to the self but also how the self sees that distance and wants, even a little, to unmake it---this is good poetry, ma'am.
Girl, what???? to you too because wow, this is only MY POETRY HERO ON DEVIANTART COMMENTING ON MY POEMS. I think I need to sit down. I'm already sitting down. I need to sit down more than I already am. I have butterflies in my everything.
Oh my god, thank you though. You get it! I'm freaked the fuck out by skies and seas but I also want to be totally consumed by them and I think their immense lure is part of their freakiness and their freakiness is part of their immense lure. It's all a big vicious circle.
Best reply everrrrrr. Also, I don't think you're supposed to compliment me while I'm telling you how awesome you and your poem are and I think I am honestly a little embarrassed that I qualify as a poetry hero. But being your poetry hero, that actually sounds like a really snuggly comfy position to be in and I am all about comfort. Ahaha, you are lovellllyyyyy. Sit down more than you already are? Would that be laying down maybe? Or is there a further degree of sitting down that I am just unable to access?
Butterflies! And blackberries, I hope!
Immensity and vastness and infinite and how those things become internal, to be unable to grasp but able to hold; scary crazy beautiful stuff. You are onto something, honeysting.
*laughs manically* I WILL OVERTURN ALL THE TRADITIONALLY ACCEPTED PARADIGMS OF COMPLIMENT-GIVING-RECEIVING. Nah, let's just form a mutual appreciation club and coo at each other. It is always the best solution to everything.
I suppose I could sort of lay down over my chair, planking fashion, but that would make it hard to type...or I could slump down in a boneless fashion, or I could curl up into a little ball like a slater beetle and just roll out the door. The possibilities are infinite.
I have a big *thing* for the smallness of humans in relation to everything. I know it's a pretty cliche idea by this point, like oooh the tininess and insignificance of us, but it's still fascinating to me. I love that we are consciously aware and terrified of the infinite and inexplicable nature of the universe, and yet we still keep putting on white coats and trying to figure it out, mapping the stars and trying to find the edges of everything.
Thank you for the feedback, dude! Very appreciated. I need to go back over this, but I'm shying away from it at the moment for some reason. I get what you mean about the sense of rhythm. That's something I always struggle with in my poetry - they feel like just meandering disconnected thoughts, with no real sense of importance or impact. But if I try to incorporate rhythm it can sometimes feel a bit forced and clunky...so that's something I've gotta work on.
Just read it outloud to yourself, and put in some commas where you pause. I'm not talking about a rhythm you get when you listen to a rapper, I'm talking about the rhythm you hear in conversation, the unspoken punctuation we say.
Syntax is the difference between me getting inside your head the way you actually think and me getting to guess at how you think based on the context of the words on the page.
Yeah, I'm familiar. I think I've done that for the most part, except for the third stanza, which does need renovating. I think I was trying to go for the tumbleofwordsohmygodsomuchemotionsomuchdramawow effect.
Haven't held a
single giveaway yet
this year… so,
let's hold one now!
winners in total
-◊ 1st place:
100 points (one
place: 50 points
3rd place: 25 points
appreciated, it i...
Yes? Then... It's a
RAFFLE TIME! :D
celebrate the fact
that I've got 799
something, I don't
know, I just want to
draw something for
some random person
you want to
participate, all you
have to do is:To be
my watcher (if
you're going to
:love:First of all,
thank you so much
for all the birthday
wishes! You've no
idea how it made me
I turned 23
yesterday. I feel so
because it's my
birthday, I decided
to hold a giveaway
and an art feature!
giveaway, I wil...
scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More