2015

well here we are, here we are! 

This is a bit late. As in, halfway through January (holy SHIT already!?) late. But that's all right.

2014 was a quiet brutish slog of a year. It was my 'gap year' and I spent the whole time working, working, working, sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. I was: a raspberry picker, an assistant clerk, a newspaper deliverer, a kitchen hand and then a raspberry picker again because I realised I absolutely hated working in fast paced food places. (Please admire the good sound of fast paced food places.) 

My body/mind dual control system meat robot packed up in several ways but I kept working through it and I am now quite convinced that I am very tough and capable of many things. 

I have just worked my last day at the farm where I pick raspberries. I'm kind of sad about it. Here's something about me that you might not have known: I love working with my hands. I have about seven thousand layers of unfitness, poor hand-eye coordination, illness, vague helpfulness, poor concentration, easily distracted, easily overwhelmed, bad at visual/spatial stuff to work through, but once I've finally got the hang of it, I love being sweaty, physical, dirty, I'm not trying to make this sexual, I just don't know how to explain the joy of leaving cerebral bullshit behind and being a person in a body that is moving and making and rearranging things as part of a big complex down-to-earth process of providing food for people who need to eat. I am a storyteller and a sad little poet creature and someone who looks thoughtfully at uncomfortable modern art, but I still love working that stupid minimum wage job on that stupid farm. Wow, it's almost like people aren't one dimensional. I need to stop trying to shove myself into boxes. I am many things. 

The dirt under my nails and the tan on my scratched-up hands is just really delightful to me and I'm sad that it's all going to fade.

In a month I'll be moving from this country town to the capital city of my state, studying history at university. I'm going to be chucked out into the world, small and terrified. I have very little emotions regarding it right now. Maybe when it gets closer and I'll have to start packing it'll hit me. I don't know. Right now I'm just...dealing with paperwork, you know? 

So this is going to be a big year. A huge year. A smack me in the face year. Too many new things rushing at me all at once. In 2014, the only new thing was the idea of payslips (and farm boys...........hnnnghhh..............) and a couple new chronic illnesses to add to the list. 2015 is going to slap me about real good. Let's see! Hopefully I'll get a lot of writing done. Because that's what you're all here for, right?

Oh, that's one more thing that 2014 did for me. I feel like my writing has grown, a lot. Which is weird, because in terms of volume, I did hardly anything. It was like I constantly crapped out absolute crap (I told you my writing has grown) through all of 2013 and somehow that led to some seismic shift in 2014, where every two months I wrote a singular poem that felt so, so right. I hope I am not sounding up myself. I'm just happy that I'm getting somewhere. And I owe a lot of it to this community. Thanks, guys. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Thanks. Thanks for being there since I was an angsty little fourteen year old. Now I'm an angsty little nearly nineteen year old. How things change.

One final note: has given me a premium membership for the next 3 months! How freaking cool is that? And it's all thanks to being nominated by the stellar, excellent and sage . You're both my absolute favourite. 

I hope to be more active here in 2015. So much talent and fun to be had. Keep in touch everyone. Peace out.